When my husband and I started dating, we knew we were totally different people: He is super tidy, I can be a mess; he is a thinker, I am a doer; he likes to plan his future, I like to be surprised by the unknown, etc. Obviously it easy to have conflicted thoughts about what movies to watch, to say or not to say I love you, what is more important: doing laundry or cuddling on the couch and the most important stuff like where to live and where to go from here. So we decided to find out how to find ways to deal with our differences and how we like to receive love. We came across this test called: “the five love languages”. It’s a test to find out what your personal values are and how you would like a relationship to be.
You need help?
Okay, read my personal experience first. Jairo works as an assistant- professor at a university now. I am mostly at home working on my own businesses. During my breaks, I clean the house and do the dishes, so Jairo will feel relaxed when he comes home in a tidy house. But every time he comes back home, he will always find a way to be busy around the house; do the laundry or tidy his wardrobe or take the knife out my hand and start cooking himself (yes, I am one lucky girl haha). So, I felt like it wasn’t good enough what I was doing for him. So I asked him: “do you need help with that, I can do it myself if you want?” and then he would say: “no, it’s okay. The things I do now, including cooking and cleaning, make me more relaxed. Also, you have done enough today. So, later on, I can give you all my loving, energetic attention.” Then I remembered, hmm, I am trying to give him the love as how I would like to receive love. He is not the one that needs this kind of love, that’s me! So after realising that, I would tell him: “Thank you for your help, I appreciate it a lot. You make my day a little bit easier!” And he would give me a kiss with all the love he has inside him.
Our love languages
My two languages are physical touch and an act of service. Jairo’s languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. So, we have one language in common, that was the easy one. The difference for us is that Jairo sometimes likes to hear, for example, how much he means to me and how proud I am of him. If he did the same to me, I would appreciate it with all my heart, but it would not make me feel better about our relationship then I did before. But if he would cook or do the dishes for me I would be so grateful. This is explained very black and white because I do love it when he tells me that I look beautiful or that he loves me with all his being. So don’t get me wrong; I love how he gives love. But knowing how we like to receive love the most, makes it so much easier to give love.
Your love language
So remember, the way you give love is how you want to receive it (assuming that you don’t know how your partner likes to receive love). It’s like giving presents to people: most of the time you buy something that you would love to have yourself now, or when you were a kid. Love is the same. So what do you do now? Analyse how you give love, so later on you can tell your partner how you are in a relationship and how he can satisfy your needs. Don’t make a discussion out of it, just be open and tell him this great intel when your relationship is on the rise! Trust me, it opens up a whole new world!
Here you can take the test: http://www.5lovelanguages.com
Let me know in a comment below what kind of love languages are in your top 2!
Thanks in advance for sharing!